So, Someone recommended that I review the new Lil Wayne track just for the hell of it. He said that it was almost guaranteed to be laughably bad and he wanted to see me rip it to shreds...okay, I'm lying. NO ONE coaxed me to do this, I decided to be a masochist and play through (or suffer through) this music video and give you my two cents. Music like this is also mildly interesting to me. It lets me know what mainstream people are listening to and illegally downloading to add to their iPods and smart phones and all that shit that isn't a legit stereo system made for listening to music. I also try to assess the appeal of ultra-popular music like this where millions of people are listening to it, and again, illegally downloading it at a rate so feverish that it's akin to a prairie dog stuffing gobs of nuts into its mouth trying to get fat for the winter. There are as many artists I don't like as there are Muslims who hate the Pope, but for most of them, I understand their appeal to their particular fanbase like Black Veil Brides, emo, and house music. But for Lil wayne, I have next to no fucking idea why he's the most popular rapper alive.
Oh yeah, this song, let's get to reviewing it. The first thing I noticed about this shitfest is that it has TWO features on it; the absolutely awful Future, and the man known simply as "Drake" who I have never, ever given a shit about. Future is just utter hip-hop banality who boarders on a joke while Drake isn't awful, but he suffers from being totally unremarkable and being almost totally devoid of cool-factor. I didn't like him on that last Kendrick Lamar album and I really don't like him here either. And shit, the motherfucker looks like a goddamned turtle.
Neither rapper spits a verse on here though, Lil Wayne's producers just split the chorus into two parts and delegated the first half to Future and the second half to Drake. So why two features taking up one chorus on one track that's bound to be a smash hit? Does it have anything to do with everyone gettin' paid? Nah, that can't be it.
Then Lil Wayne comes in and it's apparent to me that he is no longer a fucking rapper at this point. For the last few years he has just been blabbering banal, inane shit into a microphone and his producers then proceed to autotune the living hell out of it. It's honestly kinda hard to listen to, even if he was rapping about something that's, y'know, even mildly interesting. And what's this song about? Bitches. That's right, another bitch rap by a mega-popular rapper. Stop the motherfucking presses. Actually, scratch that, the world itself should just stop turning for the 4 minute duration of this song to behold such originality and artistic integrity. The sad thing is that the only glimmer of hazy light to break up the monotony here is Future's reference to weed, hip-hop's other favorite topic. Shocker. Add some plastic production on top of everything and you've got a seriously fattening, calorie packed dish of pop-rap indulgence, a dish that so many people will gobble up like the aforementioned prairie dog, but so many other people will get sick and throw up over it due to its sugar-saturated content.
If you seriously derive some enjoyment over this song, I simply do not get you. Remember, there are no guilty pleasures in music, but I'd like to see you give me a solid argument as to why this guy is worthy of praise. Like I said earlier, I don't really see this guy's appeal, so what is it? I think Lil Wayne is nothing but hype gone hyper; his music a commercial product that chases the hottest trends available in the popular music landscape and applies them to try and stay relevant. The result is very, very boring, and I'm glad that I'm freed from this shit and I never have to listen to it again.
.5/10
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