METAL MOUTH-OFF: I Hate Music

   Pitch, time, meter, division and subdivision, intervals, scales, functions, logical relationships, rules, formulas, etc...All those words, believe it or not, describe the technical workings of something that most all of us love: MUSIC. And all these terms are just now being hoisted upon me in an attempt for me to understand the science behind how music really works in a basic music theory class I'm taking, and almost regretting.

   One thing that is very true about music theory is that it is very logical. You must have a mathematical mindset to truly grasp a hold of these tough concepts, so if you struggle with math (as I do) you will probably struggle with even the most basic music theory (which I am.) 

   Here's what music theory does for me : it takes an art form that is very personal, that evokes emotion, and that comes from the heart and turns it into a cold, complicated, mechanical, and mathematical scientific study. I don't know about you guys, but that is NOT how I want to look  at music. It's just the polar opposite. I'm not saying that music theory is useless knowledge or that it's not valuable, all I'm saying is that it isn't valuable to me. I just don't believe that it's necessary to know all the workings of scale degrees and intervals to realize the genius of Radiohead's OK Computer, nor is it necessary to know all the specifics about time and meter to appreciate a progressive metal album like Tool's Aenima. 

  I was talking to my friend Patrick, a music major, not too long ago about music (what else?) and he told me that he hates it when people say that they "love music" when they know nothing about theory, also saying "I don't even love music." I personally thought he was just being pretentious and making a statement to try and prove how differently he thinks from other people, but now, I'm starting to understand what he means. This is how music works? Keep it away from me. And yes, if you are a hardcore musician I can understand why you'd want to suffer through all those semesters of theory, but shit, some of the greatest musicians of all time (at least in popular music) know very little about theory. Check out guitar uber-hero Jimmy Page who once said something along the lines of "I don't know what a barre chord is, kinda funny, huh?"