Was I planning on writing one of my overly-long album reviews today that no one really reads to begin with? Yes, yes I was. The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band to be exact. But shit, why put forth the effort to write a deep, thought provoking analysis of an all-time classic album (that's the intent, at least) when instead I can lament as to why I'm still single in my twenties? That takes almost no effort! Therefore, let me proceed in my self indulgence.
I'm going to be 21 years old next year, guys, and so far I've never had a girlfriend and that's probably not going to change anytime soon. I'm not going to go down the "woe is me, no one cares about me" route because that really isn't true, there are people who care about me, there aren't a lot of them, but they're out there. But do people of the opposite sex in my age bracket care about me? Not even close. I just don't appeal to women for various reasons, some of them obvious. For example, being short pale and ugly instead of tall dark and handsome is going to work against you in the dating world, but still, most girls (claim they) don't care so much about looks, but care a lot about a guy's personality. That's kind of a half truth. I've had many girls tell me that I'm a "really nice guy", but in that lies the problem: girls don't care about nice guys. Seriously, girls DO NOT GIVE A FUCK about nice guys. If you're one of those plain nice guys, fuck you, no one wants that shit. If you're some over-confidant ripped macho jock toughguy asshole who has a flat-brimmed hat and pair of expensive sneakers ready for any occasion, that's when you're gonna be gettin' laid. Shit, if girls really did care about nice guys (which, again, they don't) I'd be in an Olympic-sized swimming pool full of pussy right about now.
A lot of you girls reading this are probably thinking that I'm a jaded loser who as a warped perspective of what women really want in a guy, and maybe you're right. And if you think that it's irrational thinking on my part, in that case you're probably right. I have to admit that the way I see the world is through the colored lenses of social anxiety. I'm paranoid that everyone thinks I'm a loser and wants me to leave whenever I'm in a social situation, and that's part of what social anxiety is; it's the irrational fear of socialization, or the irrational way of thinking about socialization. And people who have social anxiety split off into two separate camps: There's the people who force themselves get over their social anxiety and then there's people who sink deeper and deeper into it. I fit the latter description without a doubt. I think the thing that separates people like me from the people who get over their social anxiety is that people like me have no optimism and no confidence. For example; If a normal person is at a lame party (think an outdated masquerade theme party) he'd probably be thinking about how he can rope a girl in to fucking him later. That simply would've never occurred to me. I'd think that there would be no way in hell for me to find a girl to suck me off at that party, all I'd be thinking about is how long I can occupy myself at the drink and snack table before I get bored, and after that, where can I go to be as alone as possible?
So with the total lack of confidence and optimism that I have, will I ever find myself a significant other? Probably not. If you want to make fun of me about this post that I'll probably be ridiculed for for the rest of my life, leave it in the comments section below.
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